Irony, by definition, is when the unexpected is coupled with humor or at least oddity. In her 1996 song "Ironic" it is indeed unexpected and odd that Alanis Morrisette includes 11 examples of Irony, 10 (and some say 11) of which really don't qualify. What Alanis proffers instead would more accurately be called coincidence or maybe "Murphy's Law."

Although our culture has embraced the concept of what it believes to be Irony, as a class we will dispell the myths and set the record straight. Here's an example:

Fred was walking home from the store. As he crossed Donnelly Street, he was hit by a speeding truck full of potatoes. He died instantly.

A person being run down and killed by a truck is tragic, not funny, unexpected, but not ironic. Contrast the above with this example:

Moonbeam was walking back to the commune from the organic market. She had purchased bean sprouts, tofu and carrots for her evening meal. She winced as she passed a hotdog stand, her stomach turning as she thought of the poor animals who suffered for such a disgusting product. She lamented those who would die from the terminal illnesses caused by eating these carcinogenic agents and the saturated fats found in animals. Meat...so deadly, and so cruel.

As she crossed Donnelly Street, she gave herself a warm inner-hug for being so enlightened in her Vegan lifestyle. She was still smiling when the speeding potato truck ran the red light. She died instantly.

That's irony. But why is one an example of irony and the other not? When we cross the street, do we normally expect to be killed by a truck? Certainly not. Millions of people cross millions of streets all over the world every day. So, both situations meet the test of what is expected versus what actually occurs. Fred dies. Moonbeam dies. Both are hit on the same street by the same truck, but Moonbeam's death is ironic because she has made certain life choices about diet that Fred did not.

It's ironic that Moonbeam chose to avoid meat and eat only vegetables based on a belief that this choice will prolong her life. She compliments herself in her "enlightened" perspective, and pities those who have doomed themselves to early deaths by not following her example. This absolute certainty that meat can only harm her, while vegetables keep her safe and healthy, is contrasted sharply by the absurdity of her being killed by a truck filled with vegetables. Had the truck been filled with bowling balls or curtain rods, we'd be back to the merely tragic again.

Although we may use the term often, Irony is a difficult topic to define. Tomorrow (or so) we will hear the 11 Alanis-Ironies and whittle them away.